unchartered territory

When I was 4 years old I attended a Montessori preschool. Throughout my time at this school I thrived. Being an only child, my parents thought that preschool would be a great way to socialize with children my own age. I adored being around peers and adored the way that my teachers treated me with respect just as I did to them. The lessons and activities were always attractive and interesting. They challenged my brain and taught me life skills without me even knowing that I was learning. Once it came time for kindergarten I could choose whether I continued going to Montessori for my kindergarten year or start at Lloyd George Elementary, where I would be attending the following year regardless. I chose to continue with Montessori as I was comfortable and my parents felt that I was learning valuable skills. When it came time for grade one I started at Lloyd George. This was a French immersion school and I was excited to learn more! Within the first week I felt behind. Imagine a 6 year old feeling like they are falling behind other 6 year olds! Crazy! It started when our teacher told us we needed to ask to go to the bathroom in French. I, having just started at this school, had no clue how to ask to go to the bathroom in French but it seemed as though everyone else did. I immediately thought that this was because they had all attended kindergarten at this school. They were somehow ahead of me! I vividly remember crying into my mom’s arms after school one day, wailing that I had to wait to use the washroom until recess or lunch because I didn’t know how to ask! This led to my mom talking to my teacher. The teacher was shocked and explained to my mom that if I had just asked or told her I didn’t know how, she would help me learn. Upon hearing this, I felt a bit embarrassed. I had worked myself up for no good reason. Years later, I can proudly say that yes, I can ask to go to the bathroom in French. Although choosing to stay an extra year in my Montessori classroom made me feel like an outsider for those few days in grade one, the skills and lessons that I learnt in that classroom are skills that I continue to use to this day.

Now you may be wondering how this relates to my research story. I relate this story from my early years to how I felt entering History 3510 this semester; lost, uncertain, self-conscious. I have never taken a research-based history course, let alone a third year course. Although I loved the Early Childhood Education program, it was a very hands-on program. Yes, we did do research but most of the program was spent with children and gaining valuable experience.   I felt like I was behind and that I would be very out of place in my new class. Entering the class in January of 2019 I was nervous and that feeling grew three times in size when we read the course syllabus. I left that first class wondering if I would be able to do this. Was I up to the challenge? I was still working full-time and dealing with some personal matters as well. I spent some time talking to my dad, asking if my feelings were valid. Did he think I would be able to keep up? I continued attended classes, doing the readings and brainstorming a research topic; still uncertain. One day we were assigned to do two life stories. My first, I chose to do on my education experience. The second, I decided to do on feeling behind in grade one many, many years ago. As I was writing the second story, I began to see similarities with how I was feeling then and how I was currently feeling. I realized that I was working myself up yet again. I realized that just because I didn’t know the in’s and out’s of historical research didn’t mean I could never learn them. I chose in that moment to continue with this course, absorbing the information and the method’s. I knew that my research would not be flawless, that I would still stumble at times but each day and with each assignment I was becoming a more confident researcher. I have gained experiences and knowledge and now feel comfortable with historical research which is something I can take with me in all of my future courses.